Thanks, Christina. There's a lot of wisdom in what you're saying. I appreciate the info on going about it too. I don't understand how he can give me a rapid cycling diagnosis at the first appointment when he's never seen how my moods change at all and I certainly didn't report them as doing so. I went in there because I had a frightening anger outburst, I was never expecting this diagnosis.

I want to believe him but I'm so confused and he's not helpful.

Part of what I'm working against is an awful fear and deep distrust of all medical professionals that bleeds into outright hatred. It's why I tend to just let things go rather than try to fight him, and also part of why therapy's a no-go for me.

I am thinking a new doc really would be best, if I can work up the courage to go through that again. It's pure torture to me. I hate them all and feel like I'm walking to my death every time.

Sorry, I just feel so strongly. Needed to vent a little. I always feel like I'm whining when I'm honest about it.