I'm so glad I read to the end of your post to see that you're attempting to get out. Please remember that you're not responsible for his happiness.

I'm not sure if this was a generalization on your part, but when you apply for SSDI or SSI, you don't just "hear nothing" for 3 years. I am hoping you mean that he hasn't heard a decision.....that is, when they're in the process of making a decision, you're contacted periodically for more information, etc. If he's claiming to have heard "nothing" in 3 years, he's either lying (perhaps because he doesn't want to accept that he was rejected and doesn't want to go to work?) or that his paperwork was lost in the system, by mistake.