Let me start with a definition:
Patience - A mental state that can accept fully and happily whatever occurs having giving up the idea that things should be other than what they are.
What this doesn't mean however is that we shouldn't change our circumstances if we can. It's just that we don't let it affect our internal peace. As someone once said:
Quote:
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“If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?”
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Alright. So Mrs. Webgoji is going through a really rough time. Her libido has been all but non-existent for about 7 months. She has a really stressful job and is fighting some nasty depression. Because of this, I'm going about my thing taking care of the cooking, shopping, general housework and stuff like that. I'm trying not to pressure her about intimacy or my needs in general. But I just realized something today.
Like I often do, I sent her a little romantic text and she didn't get back to me. She normally doesn't and I've gotten pretty patient about it.
As I should. She's under a lot of pressure and having a rough time.
But the thing isn't about her. It's about the fact that I'm not really being patient. I'm just droning on about my day. I've divorced myself of my own needs for closeness, physical affection and feeling like a part of a couple instead of being a roommate. That's the problem.
I need to be patient with her current situation, but I also need to address my own needs and situation so I don't live my life as a zombie. I need to figure out how to get my needs for closeness and affection filled so I can support her with her depression and bad work situation. How to do that? Wellllll ... I'm not sure yet.
But what I'm saying is that for anyone in a tough situation in your relationships, you need to take a good look at your mental state. Are you just droning through things and letting your needs and wants fall to the side leaving you empty and miserable? Or are you practicing patience? Are you accepting that things are what they are and then happily working to correct them or wallowing in what they "should" be?
To be honest, I don't know what the next step is for me, but at least I've finally recognized a problem I didn't know was festering just under the surface and now I can start to address it.