Thank you for reading this and for your response. I do feel confused. Sometimes I think that it's my fault for not being able to go out with him. And that I should do everything I can to make it right. I feel anger and frustration because maybe if I had the liberty to go out with him more often, then this wouldn't have happened. On the other hand, I feel like I've tried everything I could possibly think of to get closer to him but to no avail. He goes through these periods of talking to me, and then ignoring me and when he ignores me I feel worthless. I know I should build confidence, and I know it's wrong to feel this way and I probably do have a low self esteem but I don't know how to cope or deal with this. As I said, I have no one else to talk to. So I thought coming to this forum was one of my few options to vent and a step forward towards feeling better. It has come to the point where this whole situation makes it hard for me to even breathe, maybe some sort of panic attack. I know this must sound ridiculous, but I feel like it's something beyond my control at this point.