From reading your threads over time, I really think the reason your embarrassement/anxiety persists over feeling attracted to T when she looks a certain way is because you have internalized homophobia/shame. Sexuality exists on a spectrum. Many people have some flexibility and have experienced some level of attraction to members of more than one sex. It really isn't a big deal. What is a big deal, I think, is the fact that your attraction bothers YOU. I really don't see the discomfort coming from your T. Yes, she is working to maintain her boundaries and make sure that there is no crossing over or confusion taking place, but I really don't see her as behaving in a homophobic or shaming way. I think the reason this topic keeps coming up for you and you continue to have anxiety is because you don't want to have ANY same-sex feelings/attraction. You feel that it would be wrong for YOU. As long as you continue to feel that way and reject whatever small part of yourself DOES feel that way, you will probably also continue to feel this anxiety. I know you don't want to admit or acknowledge the possibility that you could be anywhere on the spectrum other than "100% straight"-- but I think, over time, your posts suggest otherwise. I'm not saying that you are equally attracted to men and women or that you would ever act on those feelings. I think it's clear that you're married to a man and that you aren't going to be pursuing any other romantic relationships. What you DO isn't in question here. I just think that, in order for your anxiety to go away, you need to accept that part of yourself that has this attraction to T. Nothing your T can say or do will change this anxiety if it's really coming from within you. Even if your homophobia is directed at yourself-- rather than at others-- it's still homophobia. It's still saying that there is something "wrong" with being gay/bi/sexually fluid. I think if you accepted that it isn't actually "wrong" to be attracted to women-- then you wouldn't experience so much anxiety when you feel yourself having those feelings towards T. It really doesn't matter that you wouldn't act on those feelings; it seems that what matters is that you don't accept the part of yourself that has these feelings in the first place. I think if you were willing to own those feelings and accept them-- and explore that side of yourself in therapy (when was the first time you had those feelings? who have you had them for? do they always stem from how someone looks? is it a physical or emotional attraction?) -- rather than try to explain those feelings away-- you might ultimately feel less anxious or embarrassed. You don't have to label yourself; but I think exploring that part of yourself that occasionally does feel some level of same-sex attraction (through talking about it and accepting it) might be helpful. It's really just like any other part of ourselves that we try to ignore (our looks, our weight, our procrastination, etc)-- if we try to explain it away or deny it, it's like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. If we work on self-acceptance, we usually come out the other side feeling a lot better.