Quote:
Originally Posted by seeker1950
I spent two years as a caregiver to a sick man, who was sick when I met him thru a singles site, and who refrained from telling me till he had me feeling "in love" with him. He was dying so I felt it my duty to hang in there and be the primary caregiver. He was a lot like your fella. There was no texting then, but he received calls and letters from former girlfriends, and even kept one old girlfriend's picture in his wallet (none of me). All because he said he loved me, and I thought I can't leave him now! He NEEDS me! DUH!
You've stated you divorced recently, and so this suggests your relationship with this man is fairly new? So, at what point did you learn he was sick? Did you choose to date a man with leukemia from the start? Or did you only find this out after you fell in love with him?
I hung in there for two precious years with the sick man, who, in fact, sought me out because I have such a caring nature. He even had a notebook of checklists of the qualities of the women he was meeting when he met me.
It sounds cynical, what I'm suggesting, but I have been there, done that. I DID leave. And you can too.
Oh, one more thing...he CAN survive and make other arrangements for his care. It's not your job.
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Seeker, I can understand your skepticism. But his illness really was diagnosed only last month. I went to all of his doctors' appointments with him, so I'm certain this is something he just found out about. We were having this issue of other women texting him before his diagnosis, but the ex-wives and ex-girlfriends have come out of the woodwork since he's been sick. I had actually rehearsed my breakup speech to him the day he got the news. I know how that sounds, but he truly had no idea what was on my mind, and I certainly didn't foresee what he was going to tell me.
You're right, he doesn't
need me to care for him. He has a family and tons of friends who can help out. I just don't think I could live with myself if I left him at this point. I won't let this drag on for years, but I do need to see him through the next few months for my own since of integrity. More and more I feel like I'm taking care of a good friend. Like I said, my love for him lessens each time he lies to me or texts someone. That doesn't mean that saying goodbye will be painless. But at some point it will be done, just not now when he's going through so much.
The replies I've gotten to my question have helped my state of mind so much. healingme4me had it right when she said "Painted me as the overemotional, overreacting one..." That's exactly what my guy says. He also says I'm being insecure and need to get past the jealousy. He asks if I feel threatened and says there's no need...it's so interesting how these guys can make it the woman's problem.
Thank you all again for your help and words of advice and encouragement. They have helped so much.