Hello. This is going to be a rant. It's been a trying day.and I'm convinced I'm losing my mind. My emotions have been swinging from angry to down-right depressed to anxious in a constant loop. And these emotions don't just appear and for a second and go. No. It's like a full on take over. When I'm angry I'm good and angry- like a different person completely. I see the myself like a seperate being, like I'm seeing me in the mirror but it's not me. And there's always the voices in my head. All day. One goes on and on about why she's angry and she's been snapping at everyone and everything. At God, at the dog, and the pegs for breaking, at the tv for having crap on. Then there's the other voice that tells the angry one to calm down. Of course that makes the other voice more angry. And when I'm angry, I do things on impulse, throw bowls, fling clothes. I'm just so angry then. When I do calm down and the arguing in my head stops, I'm sad, so sad and lonely and teary and hurting myself seems like the right thing to do. I haven't yet, but the thought is there. It's been there for days now.I've only once considered hurting myself and that was 8 years ago. After being good and sad, I look for funny things- stories and jokes. I barely remember much of the other two mood swing cycles but I do remember some. Bare in mind, this is just today. Emotionally, I'm drained right now. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

And there's the confusion. I'm at a point in my life where I don't know anything. At one point I'm on my bed, the next, I'm sitting on a wall outside in the Sun without really remembering or caring how or why I'm outside but just stay anyway. That's one part. The other part is that I can't figure myself out. I keep a picture of a baby in my diary. That picture is meant inspire me to succees for the sake of the child I'll have someday. Usually, my thoughts go along the lines of : "when I have kids..." Today, that thought was broken by another thought that SOUNDED differently from the first. It said: " have a kid for what? Life is the worst thing. Why would you want to put a child through that?".
I'm not sure what to make of that. I like kids.

Even as I type I like kids, there's a voice saying she hates them. They're noisy, and stinky and they cry non stop. She doesn't want kids.

I don't know who I am. My perception, my views, my thoughts change by the hour.
Please help. Advice. Possible diagnosis. Anything. I'm desperate here.