Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I said I'm afraid of her when I'm attracted to her, that I feel inferior to her, and think she's different, and why would she care about me? Yet I know she's nice. She said "Can't I be nice AND attractive?" I said "yes." She smiled and said she thinks she is both. I know that sounds a little vain, but she's not that way at all. She also brought up borderline abandonment fears. It's the first time she agreed with my BPD diagnosis that I remember.
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Just wanted to comment on the thing about feeling inferior when you are attracted to her. I was intensely attracted to my female T (I am hetero male) and when she looked especially good, it was intimidating and I felt like an insect in her presence. I would actually come to sessions hoping she had gained some weight or had a missing tooth I never noticed just so i would not feel this way. I could break this down, but point is I understand how you feel.
As for the hand holding thing, I have nothing to offer except that if I were you I would be confused and conflicted too. Seems like you are processing it just fine.