The lost feeling never really goes away. I can tell you, it's been a year and a half without my mom and I still have a big hole in my heart. My husband has been without his for almost 6 years now, and he tells me it hurts just as much as the day she died in his life.

My mom had stage 3c ovarian cancer, and lived for 18 months. The doctors in Dec of 2013 gave her 6 months, and we brought her home Jan 8th, she went to the hospice house Jan 13th, and we ended up losing her Jan 20th. It was a very short process, much like yours, and the shock factor doesn't change. What they fail to tell us is that they don't ever REALLY know how long someone has, it's just a guestimate. I spent so much time mad at the doctors and the staff that I couldn't see straight some days, I was seeing so much red. What I regret was being so mad and so stubborn to wanting to keep my mom alive I didn't spend the time with her that I needed, and when she wanted to talk about how it would be without her, I blew her off because I wasn't ready to have that conversation yet. I wish I would have... I missed the opportunity to ask her so many questions.

I was angry for a long time. I'm working through it, being here helps a lot too. My advice to you, unlike what I didn't do, is find someone close to talk to. Having my husband helped, but sometimes I wished I would have talked to a psychiatrist, someone who would help me out of my funk. I really did spend a lot of time angry and I lost quite a few friends over it, because I thought their problems were trivial to mine. I had no compassion for anyone other than myself and what I was going through, until I finally holed myself in my house and refused to be around anyone else. I am slowly working through that, but I am able to step outside now and enjoy life a little bit more.

I am sorry you are lonely and hurting. The pain does lessen but the feeling of wanting your mom back never does. If you ever want someone to talk to, I am here to listen.