I'm 17, and all my life I've had struggles with my parents. Whenever I'm away from them, or observing them from a distance, I realize what amazing, nice people they are, and that they're just like me, but then as soon as they say something to me I'll turn my back (literally) and completely ignore them. Or if I do reply, it will either be a grunt or something nasty. I'm down in my room all the time because i just can't be around them, or talk to them... and I wish i knew why, or what to do to start opening up more.

Every night I get really sad, and feel this huge guilt like I've ruined their lives and I'm not who they thought i would be when I was younger. And guilt about how badly I treated them that day, and how I treat them every day. Why am i so mean to them, and then cry about them and love them so much at night? I also burst into tears if I see a picture of one of them. It's so confusing, and I feel like a horrible person for all of this. All the pain I must have caused them....

I also have really weird habits around them (this is one of my biggest concerns right now). Like when they talk to me, i look away and shield my face with my hand so they can't see me. And when I'm doing something, like, say, making myself a lunch, if one of them were to walk into the kitchen, I would just freeze up and have to stop whatever I'm doing, and only can continue once they leave. Can't even eat around them either, I always have to be in another room. What is this a symptom of?

Lately, my mom also seems to think I'm autistic, and it's been making it even harder to talk to her than usual. Am I a bad person? What is this???

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated about any of this.