Moving along in chapter 7
http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org.../chap7_18.html Page 18.
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You might at first believe that dependency (Chapter 8) has very little to do with aggression, but that isn’t so. In Psychiatry it is a common assumption that a weak, submissive, dependent person is likely to be very resentful of his/her circumstances (but often is not able to express their anger).
Ask yourself: how many sacrificing wives and selfless mothers experienced resentment after the Women’s Movement increased their awareness? Answer: millions. Also, a famous psychology experiment described in chapter 8 demonstrates that dependency can drive people to be aggressive even though they aren’t angry.
Stanley Milgram studied compliance or “obedience to authority” by having a psychology instructor direct volunteer helpers to shock students as a part of an experiment. Actually no electric shock was given but the volunteers believed they were giving powerful, painful shocks (and felt very uncomfortable about doing that).
The study tried to find out: (1) What percent of volunteers would follow orders to shock someone? And, (2) How much pain would they inflict on the subjects? The answers they found were: (1) a high percentage of them were willing to administer (2) strong shock when urged to. The results showed that most people will do some very mean, cruel things just to comply with a person in authority whom they hardly know and may never see again. That study certainly relates to the willingness of ordinary Germans to carry out the horrors of the Holocaust.
Anger is usually directed towards people and most of the people who are targets of anger get angry in return. Most of this Anger chapter tries to explain why we get angry and what we can do to reduce or avoid anger. This is a complex matter—so many experiences make us more or less volatile, including our genes, our personality, our childhood experiences, our community, our social group, our frustrations with loved ones and children, our alcohol and drug use, etc. which are partly discussed in Chapter 9.
Watch some children and you will probably observe that some would prefer to fight than to be neglected. It is fascinating that people who live in small towns in the South provide an example of the influence of a cultural code of honor (Nisbett, 2005). Small towns and rural areas across the south and west to the Texas Panhandle have a preference for violent activities: football, hunting and shooting, corporal punishment in schools, and support for going to war. When asked if a man has a right to kill to defend his home, 36% of rural Southerners say “yes” but only 18% of rural Northerners say “yes.” Note: The murder rate in the South is 3 to 5 times higher than in similar northern areas. Why is this? Nisbett says it is because of the Scotch-Irish settlers there were herders (sheep, hogs, and cattle). Apparently herders the world over are zealous protectors of their flocks and property…and quick to take offense at the slightest insult. A Northerner would just laugh off a mild insult; the Southerner doesn’t overlook slights.
Lastly, anger plays a big role in our love and sexual relationships (see Chapter 10). Who make us the maddest? Often the person we love. Lovers have the power to hurt us deeply. For unclear reasons, people with intense anger (and maybe serious mental disorders) get involved in many kinds of sexual urges and activities. Examples: rape, assault, molestation, sadism, and masochism. Anger plays a role in impotence, frigidity, and pornography. Research has shown that watching more physically aggressive porno films increases the aggressiveness in males (Byrne Kelley, 1981).
On the other hand, sex therapists report that some loving couples have their best sex after being angry. In fact, Bry (1976), a female sex therapist, recommends that married couples try to make love to erase their anger. It may work for some but I’d suggest some other approach. I hope you are seeing that understanding and coping with anger (yours and others’) may require you to become familiar with many other emotions and lots of behavior change methods. The last five “methods” chapters in this book spell out in detail many ways of modifying behaviors, emotions, skills, thoughts, and insight, all of which can help you. This chapter is designed to be your guide