I don't get the feeling anything could really damage you. In fact you seem to have a lot of awareness of what has happened and a lot of insight. You've taken some incredibly helpful steps such as getting away from street drugs. There are not too many people who can do this. You did it. I don't call that damaged. You've achieved some really incredible things. You have a right to be very proud of what you have accomplished.
I honestly think medication helps with schizophrenia. I've spent many years around people with schizophrenia. I know it's very unpopular to say, but I've seen that in general, people who stick with medication do better.
I mean with things that really count - being independent, having more control over what goes on in one's life, staying out of the hospital, and being able to do more of the things one wants to do in life. To me, independence and self determination are key. Without medication, the illness controls you instead of you controlling it.
The trouble is, it's not easy to find a responsive doctor who communicates well. That's where quality care comes from. It's not easy to find decent health insurance either. Health insurance companies can be particularly cheap and provide poor quality care.
I think it's very hard to accept a diagnosis of schizophrenia, and to stick with medication. It's not a smooth and easy task.
If you feel that you can accept a smaller dose that's not ideal, but it's still going to help you get through each day and do the things you need and want to do.
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Originally Posted by Apotheosis
i feel messed up & very damaged from everything that has gone on. i find it impossible to try & let go of & accept the past more & way everything is.
i've tried & done everything i can to heal & recover from everything. i used a lot of drink/drugs in the past & also had a lot of very severe psychosis. First episode was at the age of 17, & i had a very bad experience of being forced sectioned & forced drugs on a locked ward for 4 months - i was very heavily medicated. At the time when i was released, i went into full time work for a few years before another major episode/breakdown, that ended in a severe suicide attempt & another hospitalisation.
Age 25 i was again hospitalised & placed on a very high dose of neuroleptic medication, which i stopped after a year cold turkey & again resulted in another section & hospital stay.
In total i was hospitalised 4 times.
The past 13 years i've been following a path of sobriety & exploring everything i can in regards to healing. The first 3 years of sobriety i stopped the medication twice & had a lot of very severe psychosis. For the past 10 years i have maintained a low dose of the neuroleptic medication - i'm too scared of what would would happen if i stopped it again.
i haven't been able to stop smoking tobacco, & feel very heavily addicted to it. i need to try & exercise more but am very lacking in motivation. My overall functioning has been very effected & i have very low motivation. i've not been well enough to work for 13 years, & it's a job to maintain the stability i have & independent living.
i feel very abused/damaged by the psychiatric system, & i don't feel they have been much help. i find this society largely very uncaring & not very understanding with it all.
i've not had the worst of lives, but things have also been very difficult. Family dynamics have been hard & 'dysfunctional'.
i suppose it's a case of plodding on as best as possible.
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