I pulled this from an interview by a director I love named Mike Mills. This was really comforting when I came across it especially from someone I admire so much.
I always think I am the only confused one.... the only one with contradictions and sensibilities that don't always fit together.
It may be kinda out of context. But what you are talking about Break reminded me of this and I thought I would share it.
Quote:
This idea of independent cinema as “art” or something like that, or as the opposite of commercials, and commercials as “evil” … Well, commercials are evil, but we live in a pretty evil world. I’ve met very few people who can get out of that web. And personally, commercials allow me to do gallery shows, and not have any concern of whether I make money. I can make a big-*** 1971 piece that’s never going to sell. I can make a film like Thumbsucker or a documentary about depressed people in Japan. Of course it doesn’t excuse my involvement in ads. But I try to do it sparingly, and if I can find another way out, I will. But that’s my mess, and I feel responsible to present it as a mess. I wish I’d heard about more messes when I was in my twenties. I’m so susceptible to thinking that people in magazines, or on TV, or in movies, have it together. They’re presented as wholes that make sense. A band like the Beastie Boys or the Sex Pistols makes sense, their message. But really they’re like a little rumbling confusion storm that you could take a still picture of. So I try to always present myself as a little, rumbling confusion storm.
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I love it. Makes me feel like it is ok to be a little, rumbling confusion storm. Maybe more people than I would ever know are.