Well, did not mean to get into "me" here in your thread. But when you talked about all that you have done, I can definitely see you have been a very strong and outgoing person in your life. You "can" be strong with this challenge too, yeah, it's a very difficult challenge, but be patient with it and keep working at it. Remember that you are actually a "strong" person. I think it's good for you to think about finding a little farm of somekind for yourself, looking forward is always good.

((Hugs))
OE