Cool, re: growing seeds from store-bought veggies! I once grew some bell pepper plants on a balcony from seeds from an actual bell pepper too. It was really neat, but I felt so sad and guilty when I ended up having to toss the plants to move .

Do they actually sell dirt in anything smaller than those crazy huge bags? I don't need *that* much, and don't want to lug it all home if I don't need it!

So, your mom DID follow you around last time. I wasn't able to remember exactly how it turned out - sorry, that sucks. Hopefully she forgets. It's a real pain having to remember to self-edit stuff like this when talking to your mom.

re: The irritation, you say that you feel like your reactions are overblown. Do you think there could be a reason? I don't know what... I'm just guessing. Something you said before made me think about how, part of why I spend so much time being so careful when I respond is... I'm *sure* I've had crazy people in my life, and specifically in my family I'm guessing, over-react to minor stuff. I'm guessing that made me cautious. I'm thinking that as we're growing up, the people in our family act like representatives of humans in general, and we "learn" that that's how most people behave. Having someone who is crazy and jumps down your throat (or misunderstands stuff all the time) might teach you that it's really important to be extremely clear and cautious in communication, so that you reduce or eliminate the chances of misunderstanding. I don't know, just a weird thought... it feels right for me, but I can't really see who/when/how it all came about.

Another thought - do you think you could be depressed at all? I *think* irritability can be a sign of depression, though I'm not sure I'm remembering that correctly. Something to think about, anyway.

Oh my gosh - what the heck happened with the secretary? That sounds so confusing? How on earth did, "we need to wait to hear back from the CEO" turn in to, "Hey, secretary, we'll do whatever you want, just let us know!" ? Do you have any idea how that happened? Talk about crazy! Did you reply at all? I think I'd have to nip that in the bud with a mass email, including the committee, the CEO, and the secretary saying that there was a miscommunication, and that you're waiting to hear from the CEO before taking action. Stuff like that is definitely crazy-making though... yikes! They all sound sort of insane!

Yay! I'm glad to hear you're going to escape from some of these crazy, stressful, unfun groups! That's really good news!

The note-taking. Oy. Yup, we had the meetings. I attended via telephone. It wasn't great, as people insisted on having side conversations, and the phone system would pick that up and mute out the main conversation! And the did a "working lunch" at one point, and all I could hear was food wrappers by the microphones being crunched and rustled, drowning out any conversation.

But, I took tons of notes. And, I rolled the notes up into high-level power-points for our team. Not a great roll-up, because everything has been very rushed, as we've got 2 of these projects going in tandem. And, we've been meeting and brainstorming and putting together concepts.

Meh. It all feels kind of... I'm trying to think of a nicer way to say it, but half-a**ed. And, the graphic folks are really the stars here for putting together snazzy concept renderings. I feel like a secretary, or maybe a project manager, arranging meetings and reserving conference rooms and taking notes.

It sucks. Incredibly depressing, though I guess it's marginally better than doing nothing. But, so not fun. And, *this* is the direction our group is going, so I really do need to figure something out. And I'm just so slow to change. I really, really wish the other group had decided to bring me on (especially as my group now reports up into that groups VP, so we're actually more closely related than we were!). But, I never did hear anything else from them. It drives me crazy not knowing if they just hated my work samples, I keep going back to that!!!

And, it's been rough here this week anyway. I finally thought that, after nearly 11 months with this therapist, it's clearly not working (and super expensive), so I figured I should quit. So, I went in and told him... and we talked and talked and talked (and he was actually really good, no pressure to stay or anything). And, I nearly cried but shut down instead. It sucks, because I like him and am attached enough to feel bad, plus he knows more of my history than any other therapist, and has really tried to be helpful (lots of crappy therapy experiences in my past). In the end, I told him I think I want to try a little more, maybe, and maybe try every other week again to save some money rather than weekly. At least that takes some of the financial pressure off! But I don't know, I really feel like I've lost faith in therapy as a treatment modality, you know? I just don't know what WOULD help. I feel like my entire life consists of me banging my head repeatedly against a wall, and I just can't figure out where the door is!

Oh wow. And I'm just realizing, it's only Wednesday night. Which means all this stuff with my therapist was only yesterday! I have a really crappy sense of time, so stuff gets distorted, and it feels like it's much farther away. Ugh. Which means trying to go 2 weeks between sessions is going to feel *crazy long*. I think I should have just kept my big mouth shut. Why can't it be easy (or easier, at least)?