I don't know how to feel anymore, how to change the way I am. - everyone has their own style and that is fine, but if you feel some aspects of your thinking is holding you back you might consider a therapist who can perhaps help you modulate your style to fit circumstances. However you do sound very aware and I reckon you very likely have that 'heart of gold' thing going on? I find that a lot with outwardly fierce people.
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