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Old May 14, 2015, 10:13 AM
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emwell emwell is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: transitioning to pluto
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emory_ View Post
I've had brain fog for as long as I can remember, even before I started taking medication. But I very very strongly believe that the meds have made it worse. For every minute after I wake up until I go to bed, it's like I can't zone in on literally anything happening outside of my own head. I cannot find any kind of happiness when I am awake; I am irritable and hate doing anything because I physically and mentally feel like I can't. I move slowly. I'm very uncoordinated, I'm dizzy, I just feel like I weigh 400 pounds. It's like I can't move my muscles. I can't have conversations because my brain just won't think of the words to say or it can't understand what is being said to it, even in simple conversations. It's like I don't even have the energy to say things, and if I do, people have told me that I mumble and stutter and barely give cohesive answers. If I'm trying to do a task, it takes at least 10 minutes to figure out the first step and once I get half way through the first step, I get distracted or get so disoriented that I forget what I'm doing and just don't finish. Anything that takes more than 1 or 2 steps is just not going to get completed. I could sit and stare at a wall or the floor for an hour and not notice that I've done it, and I do this a lot when I'm trying to get things done. I forget every single thing anyone tells me or anything that I learn. I have a hard time doing anything that requires making a plan; I just absolutely cannot see all of the options in my head and cannot remember what I'm dealing with so I can't take appropriate action. And I'm completely, utterly exhausted all day. When I started taking Vyvanse, a lot of those things got way way better during the day, but now that I've been on it for so long, it doesn't affect me nearly as much as it used to. When I take it now, every other day, I can get about 2 hours of "work" in (meaning taking care of myself- showering, maybe doing a load of laundry, doing other things my SO has asked me to do while he's at work). I can't take it every day because if I do, it completely stops working, even when I also take an adderall in the afternoon. It's like I can't even take care of myself; my hygiene has suffered, when I used to be a pretty clean person, the state of my house has suffered because I have such a hard time cleaning, my self esteem has completely gone to waste because I feel so damn useless all the time while everyone else I know is off having careers and families and fun. I've been unemployed for almost a year because it finally got so bad that I couldn't do *any* job, even with medications. My boss got tired of assigning me tasks and coming back 30 minutes later to find that I've only completed one step out of fifteen and I need help understanding what my instructions even were in the first place. I've asked my doctor how to combat the brain fog, but she hasn't provided any helpful tips. I drink enough water, I get enough sleep, I'm not a super healthy vegan goddess but I'm not an unhealthy weight, I get the amount of physical "exercise" (usually walking through parks/town or walking trails through the woods) whenever I can, but that's hard because of how difficult it is for me to even get out of bed because I'm so disoriented. I just can't find anything that works. I am miserable and I am desperate. I cannot live my entire life like this because it just feels so bad. I'm afraid that if it doesn't get better, I will end up committing suicide when I'm older because this feels like a literal hell. Does anyone have any ideas of what could help? Or which meds could be making me feel even worse?
You have done a fantastic job of writing down exactly what is going on with you. The last time My Doctor "played with meds", I wrote like this. I wrote exactly how I felt with each med increase. I brought him a copy of what I had written. He was impressed that I was able to document exactly what was going on with me. He was able to clearly see what was working and what wasn't and at what dose.

I see him once every 4-5 weeks for 15 minutes. There is no way I can remember a months worth of stuff without having it written down. The last time I saw him I wrote crap down in the waiting room. I will not do this again as I forgot some important things.

Writing it down as it is happening gives him a much clearer picture as to what is working and what is not working

I have started to write things down prior to most of my appointments now. Not just with him. The anxiety and fear over forgetting something is gone. and getting rid of even a little bit of anxiety is good for me. Some of the people I see now ask, "do you have anything else written down that you have not shown me yet". Sometimes I am afraid to give it to them. And this helps motivate me.
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