Oh Sorry Tracy, I dumped in your thread here and I have not done that is a very long time, I had a lot brewing and a lot really came up when I watched this opposing attorney with all her body language. I sat there in that big fancy foyer and I never got to meet the judge or say anything at all. I sat there and basically just "observed" and for eight years now that is what I have been trapped in, and it really has been as if I have been bound and gaged.

The one thing this tends to trigger is all the years I watched my older brother abused for just struggling with Dylexia and ADHD. Back then people did not understand these challenges as they do now, and he sure did suffer horribly because of that. I was his ONLY friend in all that mess. My daughter had been treated that way too. However, I made sure I stood up for her in every way possible so she would not fall through the cracks. I had my little family where the two people I loved struggled with learning disabilities. I did everything I could think of to support them, and it was not easy either.
I have always believed to the depths of me that if someone is "trying" they deserve to be respected for it. Even when it is a little pony or a horse too. I have been told I "care" too much. Well, someone has to "care' right? I am so grateful to all those who actually DID CARE and it's because of that "caring" that I was able to learn about what Dyslexia is and how to help my daughter learn "in spite" of it. It is because of those who DID CARE that I can read about PTSD and that I can even get help for it too.

I also had a guest yesterday, and his mother died suddenly and I was helping him with that, he is only 22 and sometimes he comes here and works to help me catch up. I also happened to talk to his mother the day before she died suddenly, something he did not know about. It was a shock to me that I had spent a long time talking to her and the next day she was gone. So, I was helping him process it and he told me what had happened. He is also having a hard time with his father so I talked to him about what that means and how to handle that so he doesn't just absorb it.

Then for some reason my dog would not stop barking last night, so I ended up taking him out and I walked around to make sure all the ponies/horses were ok. That is what my dog did when my neighbor's dog was out there and I did not pick up on it soon enough, also because of how it was not an every night thing and so when my dog was barking and I took him out and walked around it did disturb bad memories/triggers and I ended up having a horrible nights sleep with bad dreams, had not had that in a long time.

So, this morning I was not doing well, and that's why I dumped here. I hope I did not trigger you with "my" issues, I try not to do that in this forum as I know many of the members are just at the beginning of trying to figure things out.

As for YOU Tracy, well, you can decide to run and hide, or you can decide, like I have to learn about it and tap onto that strength you have in you to develop patience and allow yourself time to sort things out and heal. Where do you begin? Well, it doesn't really matter or have to be exact, because you were strong and outgoing many times in your life "in spite of". But from what you have shared, I also can see how you turned things around into positives. It's important that you also recognize that about yourself though. It isn't always what you did not quite know, or what you even did wrong, it's how you kept moving forward in some positive ways, in spite of the challenges tossed into your path.