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Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006
Ok a bit of honesty here, you're past your 20s I assume early 20s. First off, you're still both very young adults and for some (in that age range) there is a lot of maturity to still go through so it's not a really accurate gauge for how much one's family still has influence over them or should have. Keep in mind I have other friends that are in relationships where their SO is in control of them, and they have very little say in what goes on in their lives, and these are adult people with kids of their own. The idea that because she's an adult would nullify the effects of overprotective and controlling parents is just oversimplifying the situation. The lady I spoke about in the previous post was in her early 20s also and technically yes, she was an adult and should be able to do things she wanted to but the effects of manipulation, control and over protectiveness can continue well past adulthood without the right help. Please understand that..
I understand feeling confused but you either have to trust her word about this or really, move on. Thing is if she's truly as close of a friend as you say, the mistrust or questioning who she is, what she is, her motives, etc.. should be non-existent or it's really not as close of a relationship as you might think. So in other words if you want this friendship to grow and mature you'll have to take her word, if you can't do that you probably shouldn't continue to be friends with her anyway.
it may be true that she feels you're the best friend she has but that does not need to require a meeting in my mind. here is how I see this part of your response: you and your friend have a difference in values. you clearly place importance on the ability to physically be in your friend's life and she doesn't place it as high on the list. Thing is, for her maybe a best friend is merely someone she can trust, can confide in and lean on, and it doesn't require being in their presence. My best friend is the one a state away. He has always been there, got me through a lot of hard times and I know I can trust him. I'd like to meet him and his family someday but it's not a requirement for us to be close friends. I guess her thinking is similar to mine in this. You'll have to reconcile the differences in values and essentially one will have to compromise for the other or it won't work.
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I understand that the fact that we're adults doesn't nullify the fact that she can do whatever she wants .I'm deifnitely not saying that .We even talked aboutit and I know It's bugging her .
Also you mentioned your best friend but I assume us women are more sensitive and you may view this experience in a different light as well.Yes that's right maybe to her we don't need to meet to solidy a true friendship .I don't know .All I know is that she thought the same think when I told her thatI wished I could have been there for real.
We are in our late 20s btw.I'm gonna read your post I haven't yet
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Originally Posted by rainyday107
I am wondering if she is perhaps a bit shy....she likes being friends with you but meeting in-person is something her shy nature doesn't feel comfortable.
Maybe give her some space and just see how it goes. Don't "smother" her....you sounds very nice - please don't take that the wrong way.  |
Hi Thank you for reading.No I don't think it's about shyness because when we decided to meet in the first place,we were both excited and it didnt seem like there were ANY hesitation .
Don't worry I am not taking it the wrong way,I understand what you are saying .After we had this talk this past week,she did tell me that she understands If I need space .
I really care for her and she was going through something,that she coudnt even tell her parents ,and probably didnt tell he rother friends but she did talk to me.I've never seen her that vulnerable and I was really sad I couldnt even go give her a big hug ,be a shoulder to cry on .That's when the conversation started again when I told her that I'm here for her ,I'm here If she wants to go to the park or anything .I spent so much time talking to her ,cheering her up till she told me that I gave her the strength she needed.She kept thanking me .The fact that I'm still doubting or the fact that I'm even writing here makes me fele guilty.I really do care about her.
Now I feel like I should give it space but the problem right now is because If I do,she'll probably think thatyI'm upset about that .I'm still a bit hurt and confused but it's nothing serious.I know that I can deal with it later.At the same time she felt better and everything but I don't know.I dont wanna have to think that she's dealing alone with those issues .
ANyway Thank you