hello..

today i am thinking about my own bi-polar disorder.

I am schizo-affective so i have delusions as well as some degree of bipolar disorder.

anyway i was thinking about things. and why sometimes i feel "special" compared to other people. now these 'special' feelings aren't always positive, but i Do feel a sense of being "different" compared to people around me, especially to those considered to be known as "normal. And sometimes i wonder if the fact that I usually feel less then worthy in life is sometimes the reason why i at times have a heightened sense of self-worth, like everyone is paying special attention to me alone.

my conclusion? Trauma. I have been a victim of incest during my early childhood ..it happened during my early childhood and continued into my early teens.

anyway bipolar. is an extreme of emotions. ranging euphoria to major depression disorder.. and sometimes i wonder if the reason my emotions and self worth go to these extremes is directly related to self esteem problems i experienced as a child.

I am drunk right now so don't take what i am saying to heart if it doesn't feel right to you~!! :P