i am trying to tell him, i feel like i have explained it a number of ways. i thought it was settled a few weeks ago when we nailed down what i needed "trust" to be about... i left on cloud nine b/c i thought he got it. i wonder about looking for someone else..but he does schema and i am intrigued by it's possibilities. There are mostly CBT types around here and so i'd be hard pressed to find much else. I am what CBT calls a "treatment failure." i just don't think that way or something. ANd we do click in so many ways.. so i am loathe to actually leave either.

what is stopping me? hmmm... i'm not sure anything is except a nod from him... if that makes sense. If i were able to be open , warm and caring with people i wouldn't need him. i think i need him to reach out a hand to me.... give me some overt sign that it's safe.

intimate details.. i try, but i can't connect to the feelings, so it's a very bland recitation. As far as that goes i am an open book and i don't keep anything back. I just say "X happened to me at age 11, Y happened at age 15" and so on. i give whatever details i figure are relevant and i openly answer whatever questions he has. i'm not sure what else to do without some guidance from him