My biggest hurdle right now is wanting to feel like a normal girl ("normal" as in "not having five, comorbid mental disorders"). I'm in college and because of my depression, I've never been in a relationship, I don't go to parties, and I don't hangout with other people. I go to class, I go to work, I eat, and I sleep. End.

This, surprisingly, makes me feel like a complete failure as a college girl. These times are supposed to be the happiest in my life. I'm supposed to be doing dumb, fun things right now. I'm supposed to be making out with random dudes at parties. I'm supposed to be staying up late and eating greasy food with roommates. (Hint: My depression won't let me do any of those things.)

Anyway, when I tell people about these problems, they usually come out with something like, "Well, because you're not getting these things, when you do get them, you'll appreciate them more!" or "At least with depression, you know what true sadness feels like!" or "I'm sorry you feel that way, but you've felt sadness and those other college girls haven't, so you know how to deal with small problems better than they can!" WHAT?

Depression isn't a life lesson. I repeat: Depression. Is. Not. A. Life. Lesson.

There's no logical reason why I have to go through these things while healthy people don't. If depression taught you valuable life lessons, it's kinda wrong that I have to learn them through debilitating sadness and hopelessness while healthy people get to like, vounteer at a soup kitchen or something, no?

Depression teaches me nothing other than how long it takes for me to cry before I start having a tension headache. Depression doesn't make me appreciate anything.

I'm just done with this line of thought. It's called a disorder for a reason.