I think for me I've denied myself the knowledge that I've depended on others. I've never asked anyone to help me, never did ask for help, but in my head, in my fantasys, in my alone times, I was depending on everything...I had this denial going on inside, I dont need anyone, unyet theres this needy child inside of me that twisted simple things people said, into some major line of concern from them.

In the begining of my online support, about 4yrs ago, I would check every 5mins to see if anyone had replied to me, why telling myself, I need no one.

Its all been silent and very hidden, my depending that is. I now no longer check every 5mins, infact if no one replys, thats fine, I no longer walk around imagining people are taking care of me in their minds, I just see people at face value, nod hello and think no more about it.

So in my imagination I was very dependent, but my actions said "no I am tough"..