I'm here, for what it's worth. I probably don't have answers, but I can relate.

I've never been married, but I've been in the same situation with a live-in girlfriend of about three years, so there's that similarity. After those years she told me the exact same thing your wife told you, right down to the "ideal schedule." All I can tell you is that her schedule forced me to stop and balance my needs against the situation, and we didn't stay together very long afterwards.

I've also been in two other long-term relationships where sex was a point of argument. It was never pleasant. I always got to thinking that there was something wrong with me, and that I wanted it too much or something.

HOWEVER...I was also in a couple of long-lasting relationships where sex was never an issue. I'll tell you what helps that: it was NEVER used as a bargaining chip in those relationships. We both wanted it. We talked about it like adults. There was never a situation where either of us felt like the other was holding out because of some agenda. If one of us didn't want it for some reason, we communicated it openly and life moved on.

I think sex becomes a huge, painful part of the relationship when you feel like your partner is using it against you. That's enough to put someone in a depression - at least it was for me.

So what I learned is to feel out the sexual chemistry of a relationship early, long before making a commitment. Make sure you're on the same page and not with a sexual manipulator. Once I figured that out, I was free to discover the other ways I can screw up a relationship lol...but at least that wasn't an issue any more. =)

After my decades of dealing with what you're going through, I'll say this: I won't tell you what you should do, but I'll tell you what I would do. I'd find someone else. If you choose otherwise, be prepared to put a LOT of work into restoring your marriage because her feelings about sex are probably some manifestation of a bigger problem. You'll have to find it, fix it, and hope it does some good.