I agree totally with what Dexter is saying. I ahave been going through a very depressed time myself right now and I have had the same problem with trying to avoid negative thoughts about myself. I made a deal with my T that as long as I was his patient I would not act on my desire for self-euthanasia (as I call it). But, like others, I think of those pills, enough to work but I have enough presence of mind, and enough respect for my T, to keep my promise to him. He trusts me to keep my word and that trust is important to me. Right now I am having a problem with him due to my misinterpretation (probably) to my last session with him and that has me even more depressed than usual - not to mention Hurricane Jeanne bearing down on us. Remember - you are talented, caring and compassionate and have a lot to offer the world. The world just has not realized it yet but it will. Keep on trying - you have helped so many with your posts.