i love my boyfriend. I have made mistakes in the past that i am not proud of. Now after 3 years, i can still sense and see that he doesnt trust me. He used to be so kind and so helpful. Loving me was a priority to him. I am not saying i number 1 and over his family. I respect his family and him. I feel like ive apologized for my deeds too many times, and its been a hella long time since ive ever done anything wrong.

He gets mad when i express how he treats me. I hate that when i cry he just sits there or just falls asleep. Hes made mistakes too, but sadly i am not the type to hold on to it or throw it upon him. I have let the past be the past. I sometimes find things he does annoying or rude, and i straight up tell him. He hates it:/ he wants me to tell him his way, have a tone he wants, things said he wants to hear.. Or else he doesnt want to hear me out. I have cried and cried and only want his love and care. I know i cant change him. I hate how always says, be quiet go to bed while im crying, or are u done u cry too much about everything, But hes changed and he refuses to give me the love i deserve, he agrees to love me however much he wants. I have cried and begged him to care and love me, at this point this is just silly. And ridiculous! Im too desperate and clingy. I want to stop. I want him to realize im worth the fight. I want him to feel horrible for how much neglect i receive from him. He wants alone time and more time to himself and hang out when he feels like it. When we argue its bad, he ignores me and acts like he doesnt give a crap about a thing ive said. All ive ever wanted was to TALK it out. No fighting. I end up crying, it seems like i always HAVE TO WORK, for his love his care, his respect. I dont want to leave him, but i do want to know what can i do to make him realize atleast that i deserve love. That what hes done and what hes doing is so wrong. I want him to feel bad for how much he bullies me. I havent cheated on him. But i have lied to him because i am always afraid of how he would act after the truth comes out. I have been very faithful and love him dearly but i just dont know to decode a man. Problem that is worse is that we live together. I have literally cried outside the house , at work, in the shower, i am suffering depression. I just want to become the classy girl and strong individual who i used to be , where when a man treats me less than i deserve , I would be able to set him straight or atleast learn to walk away. In this case i dont want to but want to make him really realize what he will lose if he doesn't change his ways and attitude. I have been so depressed since i lost my baby. And he is so unsupportive and rude. Im 22 and hes 21. What do i do.. Why do i love him so much why does he try when i back away and ignore him but when i am chasing him everytime he gets mad or constantly wanting to be with him , it feels like my life is him. I forget to love me ! Hes in bed now, but we had an arguement bout how we dont spend time together. And he really doesnt seem to care if we do or not im going insane. I was so depressed where i slit my wrist. Luckily I missed the vein. But the scar haunts me. Yes i will not repeat that again. But he doesnt take me serious. Do i ignore him, give him no attention? I dont want to play games