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gerber said:
i think i need him to reach out a hand to me.... give me some overt sign that it's safe.

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Could you work on exploring in therapy what you need and want from him? This is a great topic and it sounds like it is so on your mind right now. I remember once T asked me what he could do to make it safe for me with him? It meant a lot to me that he asked and was willing to try to accommodate my needs. Also, are you the only one feeling like there is something lacking in your therapeutic relationship? Does he feel things are going along fine? Maybe he sees this slower style of bonding from a number of clients and can help normalize your experience by sharing that with you. Hang in there with this. It is a very good sign you are concerned enough to want to change/improve the relationship.

BTW, CBT also doesn't work for me. Therapy was not that helpful for me until I found a non-CBT therapist, someone with a bigger toolbox who could use the best techniques for me. It seems I often read here that CBT doesn't work for a number of people. I wonder why so many therapists gravitate to it, then? I remember pinksoil saying once that most of the students in her program wanted to do CBT. (Hope I got that right, pink!) Maybe it is just as simple as CBT is the therapy that insurance likes to reimburse for (because it is shorter and not deep work), and the therapists in training are very concerned with the bottom line.