((((Rio)))))

You and I know each other's stories. We are both the same in that I was not involved in the airline crash rescue (turns out there was no one to rescue), and you were not in that gym. BUT....the fact remains that you WERE on the scene and saw events and I worked for 4 months with body parts.

Critical incident stress involves any event that has the power to produce emotional stress and difficulty in coping in healthy people. Stress reactions can appear immediately, hours, days, weeks, months, and even last for a lifetime. It can affect the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves. It is a NORMAL and PREDICTABLE reaction to an abnormal traumatic event. Just two examples of critical incidents that affect both you and me would be a mass casualty event or incidents that attract extremely unusual media coverage.

I don't know why we sometimes are drawn to read about the events over again or to visit the sites or to look at pictures. It really does hurt, and can bring back all the old original feelings and images. It doesn't seem to do any good, especially when it can sometimes last for quite awhile and you find yourself needing more meds just to get through it. I truly, truly do not know why we do that to ourselves. Unless it's just our minds ensuring that we never become desensitized to human suffering, and that we will always appreciate the preciousness of life.....anybody's and everybody's life.

I have a packet stashed away with all the original paperwork and commendations and items from being in my situation. I don't go near it, but I have it. Two nights ago I NEEDED to see a certain map...it was important for me to see one of the irregularities in their flight as they tried to survive. I had to go into that packet. I didn't want to. But I really had a driving need to see the map. So the whole time I was going through all the paperwork, I was humming a little made-up overly-loud tune, as though what I was looking at wasn't that big a deal. It may have helped some, but I still was affected by items I had forgotten all about....such as the sonar photos of the debris field under the ocean.

I really don't know how to answer your question other than to say that you and I are not the only ones who seek out remembrances. And maybe just humming really loud to yourself, some tune that doesn't even make sense, helps you to progress quicker through whatever you are looking at. I don't know.

I wish you the best in your coping strategies and your memories. It does NOT matter how minimal your part was in the event......you have memories that you didn't understand until you were older and found out what had happened that day. You were traumatized. You could almost compare it to a friend of mine that I used to know, and then I found out that he had died.....two years previously. But I mourned like it had just happened. I was in shock over it, even though a whole two years had already gone by.

The events we were involved in were quite different and our ages are different......but we both went through a critical incident stress situation. You got to go home and feel safe with your family whereas I stayed involved for another 4 months.....until it was just something I couldn't deal with daily anymore. So don't try to downplay your involvement or think that you're not entitled to feel stress because you weren't one of the major characters (so to speak). You WERE involved. You WERE affected. You WERE traumatized. And I have to say, I think you're doing very well. You really are. You're not acting any differently than I am or many others. Normal response to an abnormal situation.

I wish you well, ((((Rio))))

God bless,
Sandy