I also believe in the new self arising out of the flames, like the Phoenix. That fits with my independent lifestyle. But I'm learning in therapy that it's also important to go through the inner child feelings with a therapist. Only then can a person let go of the past and truly accept maturity to the higher level without being dragged back by a frustrated, angry inner child. My own inner child is very strong in me and has guided my therapy by her fears. I've learned to self-soothe, but can't as yet do that in place of the T. I believe in John Bradshaw's "Homecoming" book about being a good parent to one's own self...to a point. But better relationships are learned only by having relationships, not so much by being shut up inside myself. And that starts with a good therapist. Do-it-yourself therapy is good to a point but can itself be a defense against attachment to T and facing the attachment problems. Also, my inner kid doesn't like me much yet, and I get very anxious if I try to make her accept me instead of T.