<font color="#000088"> I still haven't cut,and on July 3rd it will be 8 years since I cut last! So I'm still fighting it,and haven't fallen yet,even though I'm still pretty worried about the 9th of July. That's the birthday of mine that I get terrified with each year,because of the abuse on my 8th birthday.The reason the last time I cut was the 3rd of July,is because that is my brothers birthday,the one that is the pedophile that abused me on my birthday.So I figured at the time,that if I died on his birthday,then instead of my family celebrating his birthday every year,and just looking at that day as his birthday,they would remember it as the day I died,and I could ruin his birthday like he did mine.
But ofcourse I wasn't in the proper state of mind that day,and all I could think of was that my family was at home celebrating a pedophiles birthday,and making him feel good.When they didn't celebrate mine,usually just my Dad would take me out to eat.But I'd end up cutting by the time the night was over,and end up in the hospital when I wasn't living up where my Dad was,and even sometimes when I was.
But those days are coming again,and I just don't want to deal with them.I've had friends over the past few years help me get through them,but this year,my friends are all in other states!
I worry,because I'm stuck near my family,and they know that I usually cut,they think it's funny! </font>