I think there are people who are just happy. Born that way naturally. Good spirited, good natured. They might not always be 'happy' but they are definitely not depressed, or down, or blah on an every day basis. They may deal with different emotions, like grief when someone passes away. They might even have situational depression, but it's something they can get past.

Then there's me. And maybe people like me. Whether it's a 'chemical' imbalance, or things that have occurred in my past, I am depressed. I have always been depressed. And regardless of treatment, I have come to understand that I will always be depressed.

I can have good days and bad ones. I can cope. I can be numb. There can be times where I feel happy. But it always comes back to depression. I know life isn't fair. Why do some people have healthy bodies and some are disfigured? Why do non-smokers get lung cancer? Life isn't fair and who ever said it should be.

I think I am just annoyed with life right now. I long to 'be happy'. I'm exhausted of being exhausted and in pain. But I still keep on going. Hoping to find that 'high' of happy one day. There are things and people in my life that I truly love and enjoy. I just wish my internal self could just 'be', without so much effort and strength to continue. To not have to work so hard to just feel better than miserable.