Hi Moonkin. Like I said in the other pornography post, I don't believe people who do watch it are evil because of it. I don't think you are evil.

That said, pornography is just an easy way to aid masturbation. It's when it gets out of control, like I guess it is for you, that it seems like it's becoming a problem. I agree that you should also talk to a therapist. I don't really know how to deal with addictions, so a professional that deals with that would be helpful.

I hope you can stop feeling shame for yourself, too. No reasons for being suicidal are dumb, and it's sad that this has gone so far in your life. Please talk to someone about it who can help you properly.