ok it takes enough energy trying to parent a five year old in a proper safe loving way i feel like i must be pulling it from a special reserve
and that feels good most of the time because YEAH! CHANGE! IMPROVEMENT! DIRECT RESULTS! CHANGING LIVES! FEELING GOOD!
but the whole family lives in one home and i can't let my little sister keep being abused right in front of us while we parent our kid right
that's so not fair
BUT HOLY PANTS ON FIRE I CANT PROPERLY PARENT A CHILD WHILE TRYING TO PARENT MY SISTER
i've been parenting her for the past however many years in the only way i've known how (abusively) and yeah i want to change that but ITS JUST ALL SO TRIGGERING AND NO ONE HELPS
so when she's around all she does is compromise my good parenting abilities (not her fault of course but still) and so all i want to do is be like go away but THATS JUST SO EVIL i just can't do that anymore
so now i'm just stuck
can't go back to treating her the way i did before...
but can't compromise this important parenting i've committed to
... and no energy left anywhere
we all went to the pool today and in the change room after swimming i had her towel and was going to dry her off (she has down syndrome and needs help with daily activities) but i couldn't even make my arms do it i was so exhausted
thnx for listening