You sound like me 6 years ago. The first thing my psych did was get me off of the booze. He put me on Camperal. I couldn't take it longer than 3 weeks because of the side effects but it was enough to break the cycle. I have been sober since. Since getting sober I have been on so many different meds that I don't even know the count. It's only been about a month that I've finally been put on the right mixture of meds. It takes time and patience. I feel really great now. I do have an occasional day where I've been depressed and I just do things to keep my mind occupied like reading, watching movies, playing on the computer, etc. It's hard. When I hit 50, I felt like what is the point in going on. I had nothing to look forward to. I can't work. I don't have goals anymore because there's nothing I can do to fulfill them. It was really bad. But I told my psych everything and that's when I got put on the right meds. I won't do anything because I could never hurt my daughter if I did. Do you have any kids or anyone special in your life?

It's not easy. I'm lonely too even though I'm surrounded by family. I haven't had a date in 6 years. I've been divorced for 16 years. But yesterday I went to a classic car show, and don't you know that I was asked out to dinner by one of the men showcasing his car?! You just never know where life is going to take you.

I hope some of this helps you. I want so much for you to feel better.