Thank you SO much folks. As always getting support and cheers from other people who KNOW what depression is all about is heart-warming.
And of course you are right, I should live more by the day. It's ironical that focusing on the "here and now" is the master teaching of Zen. I used to be a Zen enthusiast as a teen and through my early twenties... And see how I've fallen fra from it. I am so demented by the apst and the future that the present is wasted in anguish.
And what about the ideal of Harmony? I couldn't be more far away from Harmony.
Well, OK, i'll just hold on... and thanks again.