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Perna said:
I think it has to do with lack of control. If we know someone else is not under our "control" then that's pretty scary; maybe we're not under our control and if we're not under our control, in what direction does "safety" lie?

For me, I know my stepmother was very controlling so I both experienced and was surrounding by "control" issues so that's what I learned? It took a long time in therapy to learn to hold Me and others and what I experience "lighter" and not so tightly. Others are "allowed" to live their own lives/go away from me and it doesn't mean they are taking part of me with them. I cannot be "divided" that way, I will stay together. I don't need to either panic or protest/get angry.

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This is all good stuff. You are both right...Ihave to print this thread and hang it onmy wall...unless youwould like to email me every day and say this over and over