Welcome to this site! I'm sure you'll find it as helpful as I found it

Most of what you wrote is something I can relate to completely. From where I'm standing, it does seem like you have depression. And I agree with pretty much every word vital has said. It's better to see a therapist to be 100% sure, and simultaneously get the help you need And don't worry about posting long threads. Post as much as you like in the lengths that you desire!