As hard as it is, I (for the sake of my health and freedom) need to try to forget about Sara and Joanna, and keep them as 'good memories' while getting on with my own life. Easier said than done of course, but it is really just futile now to find a way to make them listen, as they obviously no longer care about my apologies or my feelings. Not only are they not responding, it is just bringing forth more legal drama each time they notify the pigs about me breaching my court order, because they do do that. We only had a professional relationship anyway. Those tend to be very brief and unfortunately, this is one horrible situation that has transgressed into quite the ordeal over how I reacted to losing them in the first place, as the seniors did lie to me amid their tales of how I made them feel uncomfortable when I can swear blind, that I did not do anything wrong. Face it - they are gone for good and it is time I accepted that nothing is going to reverse what has happened.

The pigs have been at my parents' place looking for me. I intend to talk to them no later than the early hours of Tuesday morning so if need be, I can go to court and get this mess finally sorted out. Lately, I've been spending a lot of time hanging around in a dell (a woodland area) just to avoid them, but you cannot sleep in the countryside unless you have a tent to keep yourself warm in. It is way too cold and dark to be able to walk around the pathways. To make matters worse, I ended up with huge blisters on my feet which might be caused by hot sweaty feet and not being able to change my clothes for obvious reasons. Now I am finding it painful to walk about.

I was in a hostel for just a night and then a B&B once. Upon attempting to re-enter the cheap hostel to rest up on Friday night there, the staff had been alerted of me and attempted to call the police, so I ran off. Imagine being arrested on a Friday and Monday is a public holiday. Court resumes on Tuesday, so you will be banged up in a small cell until then should you be arrested, which happened to a mate of mine. Seriously, I thought she was acting strange. Then she asked someone to call the police since she had an image of me or something. The receptionist had taken my bus pass and debit card. Fortunately I got them back from my mother recently, but I've been way too scared to go back home, and I am terrified.

I thought about getting a new lawyer who could perhaps do more to fight this injustice. The police claim they only want to talk - not to arrest me. But if I violated a court order, surely it is protocol to arrest me. So why say that I will not be arrested? That is just a way to sweet talk me into surrendering instead of running away.

Sure. And pigs may very well fly after all.