Hi High, I know what you are going through. I have the same thoughts and the same problem trying to fill my time (all the time). Unfortunately I don't have any advice to give you, I just want you to know that you are not alone. I am currently considering some kind of "manic adventure" (change jobs, move somewhere different, join a club) because sometimes just changing the scenery buys me a little extra time alive. If you are suicidal, think of any option that might bring you joy (instead of death) and pursue that because life is already short and we don't know what is on the other side of death; try to enjoy this ride as long as you can in any way that you can.