I know that when I'm telling my "story" I do it in a defensive way. I'm aware of myself doing it. I just don't know how to stop myself, it just comes to my mind so seamlessly that I don't realize how I'm making myself into a helpless victim until after I've already done it. I'm such a downer I don't even want to be around me. Like seriously if I had a choice I'd avoid me too. :/