From my perspective you are clinging to music as some form of connection to reality. You are excessive with it but I think that finding anything that keeps your feet touching the ground when it is really bad like that is helpful. In the past I have knitted until my fingers couldn't do it anymore. Another time I snapped and canned 27 pints of green beans, cut up and processed tomatoes into 28 pints of spaghetti sauce and made 18 pints of homeade applesauce. I had cuts all over my fingers and blisters from the snapping and peeling but it was something on earth I was doing (and my mom operated the canner since I was way, way too high for that) and it was a connection to earth. It wasn't ideal because I was so excessive but it was what I felt drawn to do, to provide food for many months to come. I'm sure I've had others. Even in the hospital they've worked really hard to come up with things to keep my hands busy because that is such a big thing for me when I'm manic; if my hands are busy my mind becomes more chaotic.

Maybe letting your mom got the pdoc isn't so bad. Sometimes an outsider notices things you can't. When I was diagnosed it was through a mood disorders clinic that does research under a big-name bipolar specialist. I had to have someone with me who could confirm/deny what I was reporting. I was humiliated in a way but also so glad that I had someone to say what I didn't know. Too bad the person was already judging me nastily and I didn't know it, but at least it was someone at the appointment as required. That other person can help, especially when things are flying at the speed they are for you right now. And perhaps your mom can get him to see that all the stimulants are not good for you which would not be a bad thing at all. You say you cover well with the dr. I know how hard it is to NOT do that because it took actual lessons for me to stop doing it so I know that sometimes having someone who isn't covering there to talk is helpful. It's why I'm glad that if I get bad enough my therapist contacts my pdoc; it's easier when he has told her that things are really bad and why he thinks that.

Hoping for lots of rest tonight.