Hi
Thanks a lot for sharing your experience. in my opinion (I am not an expert, just a user of Psychiatry) your anxiety is affecting your life in a way you may have to do something about. I am not sure what really happened to you in the Netherlands and how much a psychological condition could have influenced your behavior there. But you are right it is better to make sure you succeed this time. Taking care of you mental wellbeing by visiting a professional of mental health seems to be a good advice. in my case, i get therapy and medication and I have improved a lot. Also, coming to this site has been very helpful. About a tip, I would tell you to change living for the moment to living in the present moment, which is substantially different. I will post a couple of links for you to read, if you like. I wish you the best