I feel sad and restless. I can't pinpoint exactly why, except that I am lonely, for all of the reasons that I'm always lonely--I don't connect with others and I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

I feel clueless (as usual) when it comes to other people. I feel that I get along well with others, coworkers and classmates, and yet roughly half of those same people I friend-request on FB don't accept the request. I understand that everyone has different policies about whom they accept on there (close friends vs. "just coworkers" but...I seem to be the only person I know getting rejected this much.

Someone told me recently that I am "unique," that my verbiage, for example, is out of the ordinary. But she couldn't give an example. She said, "You can tell that you're really smart, but you don't talk down to others." I could tell she was choosing her words carefully, but I still don't know if she was trying not to insult me, or if she was complimenting me. She also said, "You're someone people either love or hate." That's probably true. I just wish more people loved me, and less people hated me. Another person told me that I come off as very defensive, that it is more often than not in my body language and facial expression. I guess I'm not really sure how to remedy that; I don't feel defensive most of the time...this is just my body, it's just my face. There isn't much I can do about either. I could walk around smiling all the time, but I'd look like an idiot. On the other hand, defensiveness is a vicious cycle--you are made aware of having walls up and so you make an effort to let them down only to have people come in and hurt you, so the walls come right back up again, and you feel justified for having them in the first place.

In any case, I need to delete my FB account for good, really. It only causes me to feel badly about myself.