Hello

No one on Earth is stone hearted enough to be not affected by what you went through, but it's all about how he/she perceives it. Panic attacks are something that I haven't experienced, and I'm not aware of their effects on a person, but I can assure you that the key to forgetting the panic attack and and the key to happiness are both in your hands, no one has them but you. I suggest seeing a therapist specifically and specially for this problem, it will completely help just talking to someone professional about what happened to you. And, I can't accept the fact that someone who is a nurse and a mother of three boys, just wants to lay down and die. From where I am standing, you're a greatly valuable person, and what happens to you will affect those around you. Be happy, for them and for you

You're my mom's age, and I feel like I'm talking to her right now, so believe me when I say that I meant every word I wrote, I didn't lie or sugar coat You are valuable, and I don't envy you, you're in a terrible situation, but like I said, seek professional help focused on this problem, for the sake of your own happiness that will simultaneously reflect on your entire surrounding environment.