Hi everyone
I’m not sure if anyone can help or not but I thought I’d throw this out there. I just celebrated 90 days of sobriety today. I’m struggling to stay sober and feel like giving up on everything. At the same time I feel very sexualized, I have songs constantly playing in my mind, I can feel love from others and am often overwhelmed with gratitude to the point of sobbing. It's like I can feel everyone's energy good or bad and it absorbs into me. Even if I'm trying not to feel it I can feel everything all the time everywhere I go. If I go into a store I can feel the music, the sounds of the cash register, the people breathing and I can feel it in my whole body. I can feel the sunshine and sexual energy all the time. Then minutes later I will be obsessing about something like a guy that I like and can’t have because of the no relationship rule, another job that I just quit, or my past and I will feel suicidal. I’m not sure what’s going on. Am I just going through early sobriety?

People say in early sobriety you can just start to feel your feelings again and maybe that's what it is. But this seems like more than that. I remember being manic before and feeling overwhelmed like this to the point of crying. It wasn't like this the first two months I don’t think. I got sober before and it wasn’t like this. Maybe a mixed episode? I’m very scared and I went to see my doctor last week and he said I just had a lot going on and we should keep my meds the same. I have been going to AA meetings, talking to my sponsor, taking my meds, keeping away from men and I still feel like I’m about to lose it all. I feel like I can’t control my emotions. I can’t focus on myself or I get lost in the past and in wanting sex and alcohol and I can’t focus on others or I get caught up in obsessing thinking so what do I focus on? I’m really struggling. I don’t know if I can’t hang on through this day but more than that I thought I was finally stable, I thought being sober would make it easier. I really feel like I’m not meant to live on this earth. I can’t take feeling like this. It’s too much. I am overwhelmed.