I promise I am not delusional. That is why I am so open with you all. Everyone irl life would think I am delusional; in fact, they already do. I thought my pdoc appt was this week but it's not until next week. I tried to call and move it up to this week but he said they are simply overbooked. . If I start getting very paranoid, **** just goes to HELL! I see my therapist tomorrow and I will talk to her but I'm not sure what she will do. I feel like I am drowning. I am thinking that hypothetically God is letting this happen and what if I die? I'm afraid I am going to die. I know how conservative my pdoc is about the hospital and he will say I don't need to go and I don't want to go. I know it won't help. Maybe bricks on my chest will help. Maybe it will weigh me down to reality. I would look pretty stupid laying down with bricks on my chest though.