Okay that isn't the most eloquent subject line but it's true. I feel like such a failure with my life. About 10 weeks ago the meds that I thought were finally going to work failed and into the MDD pit of despair I plunged.

When I'm really down I can usually still function to a certain extent like I go to work most days and I can still care for my child but that is it. If I didn't have my son (he's 10) I would be in a hospital I'm sure.

When I'm in the pit I don't pay my bills, don't keep the house clean, don't socialize, don't do enough with my son. I went through about 1 week of SI, which was bad and I had a hard time hiding it.

Now I've been on a new med combo for just over 2 weeks and I've risen in the pit just enough to see what a mess I've made. Money and bills are the big problem that I have to tackle first. I don't have much debt, thank god, but I'm behind on everything including rent. The worst part is that now even if I have the money to pay a bill I don't because I'm ashamed that I'm behind which makes me more behind. Isn't that the stupidest thing ever?

I've completely screwed up my son's summer care because I didn't get the money in on time. Now I may have to tell him he can't go to camp. He'll cry and I'll hate myself. (More SI?)

Do any of you know what I mean? I do okay for a while on meds and I get myself together (somewhat) and then I have a crash and it all goes to hell again.

Aaaaaargh!