(I wasn't sure how the new trigger would apply to this thread, so if it's triggering and there's a way I can still leave the post here without having to hide the whole thing can a mod please do that? Thanks!)

Okay, so...

Here's the issue. I've been dying for a baby. I mean, I really, really want a baby very badly. I just want to get pregnant. But, I'm scared to have sex with a man. (Related to past trauma)

But, I've had sex with women and it's never been a problem. My therapist knew I was desperate for a baby and she was concerned that I'd have sex with whoever offered it to me because I am so desperate to be a mom. But, I cried and told her I'll never have sex with a man because all of my sexual relationships in the past have been with women.

Of course, she says I can still have a baby with a woman, there are ways science can make that possible. But I DON'T want to be with a woman... I want to be with a man. I want to have a baby with a man and I want a man to help me raise our baby. But I'm just so scared to have a baby with a man. I don't think I can ever trust a man well enough to let him get that close to me. And so, I'm stuck with having sex with women.

I'm not a lesbian or anything. I mean, preferring to have sex with women doesn't make you a lesbian, right? I don't prefer it because I'm attracted to women, I just prefer it because it's safer. It's more gentle and when I'm with other women they are gentle with me and they know what pleases me. Having sex with men is painful and scary.

I'm just so confused and scared, though. I don't know who to turn to about this, I'm 20 years old and I'm stuck forever ****ing women because I can't get over my fear of sex with men. But I really, really want to be a mother someday and I want to be in a relationship with a man.

I don't know what's wrong with me.