Hey everyone,
I'm twenty-one years old, and I live with my divorced mother and two siblings while going to school. I'm having some major problems that I don't know how to solve, mainly with my relationship with my mother.
1. My mother likes to lean on me and use me for emotional support. While I don't mind her telling me her problems, it's gotten to an awkward point where, if I spend time with friends and come home late, she pouts and asks "why are you never home anymore? Do you just not like me? Why don't you spend time with me?" And she will sink into this depressive state for DAYS. She has really struggled with depression since her divorce two years ago, and won't seek help. She universalizes every problem and blows everything WAY out of proportion (example: me spending a night with friends=I hate her).
2. Differing beliefs: my mother is a Christian and I'm an Atheist. That pretty much says it all right there, right? For example, I'm an adult in a serious relationship and I see nothing wrong with staying a couple nights at my boyfriend's house. Except that I know it would crush my mother. She knows I'm an atheist, but she can't stand to see any evidence of it. She says it makes her feel like she failed as a mom. So I try to protect her from the knowledge of my intimate life and make excuses about where I've been. Which I hate doing because I hate lying. But I also want the freedom to spend time with my boyfriend when I want to without feeling like a sixteen-year-old with a curfew. Is it wrong for me to spend nights with him when I'm still living at home? This brings me to my next point:
3. I CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE OUT. This is driving me crazy. I save money, and it all goes to school and car payments. I could move out if I drop out of school, but I don't want to do that. I feel inadequate and pathetic because I can't get my finances together. I feel stupid having to answer to my mom when I have this NEED to be on my own. I'm a very independent person, and I hate having to constantly explain my actions and whereabouts. I understand that I need to respect her house rules: I clean up after myself, I'm respectful to her and to my siblings. But I don't need her to monitor my life, and I don't think she understands that. I don't want to hurt her, and I want to make my own decisions. But I can't because I can't afford to live anywhere else. Does anyone have any advice for how I can find some balance here?