If your decision is to not go IP, then that is what it is. But I dare suggest that you are very volatile now. Keep that in mind, and try to make some pre-cautions in your home-environment.
I am not going to weigh in on the should/should-not go IP, because there is so much good advice here about that already.
Use s little time to find a safe and comfortable place to go when you become too unhinged. (the laundry room, the porch, a comfy chair in a quiet corner, etc.) I remember once I sat on the bathroom floor watching the washing-mashine going, lol... (I have a frontloading mashine in the bathroom.) And it was strangely soothing. I was stressed out of my mind at that point. But it helped me calm down. I find the bathroom-floor to be a quite comfortable and safe place to be. It has heated tiles, and its is nice and warm and solid and grounding! So that works for me, however weird that sounds
And also; the weigthed blanket could really help you. I have heard so many people recommend them. They might be a bit pricy, but call the manufacturer and ask if you can try one out for a down-payment.
I am an occupational therapist (a non-practicing one...), and have worked with finding technical solutions for people with physical handicaps. So I know that sometimes these companies that manufacure/sell things like that, might be willing to let you have a try.